This past month has been a whirlwind, I look at the calendar and it says August 22 and I am not sure where the rest of the month went. It has been a blur for the most part and I am sure that my Keurig could use a small break from being overworked this month.
The month started with my Grandfather (my mom’s dad) passing away on August 2 and then was the 3 year anniversary of my Grandmother (my Dad’s mom) and then the funeral for my Grandfather and then fast forward a few days and I get the phone call that my Uncle has passed away. He had a cat and the kitty needed a home and so we went and picked him up, a 14 hour round trip in the car from New Jersey to New Hampshire and back. Thank God the kids don’t mind traveling.
The dust is starting to settle a little bit in the house, things are calming down but now we are working on helping the kids express their feelings, talk about the events of this month and a calm and “normal” fashion. Ya know instead of while we are in the car rushing around to somewhere else. So I have finally had the full sit down talk with the kids that Papa and Uncle Bruce have gone to Heaven and they are watching down on them and they are their guardian angles and that when their times comes they will see them again, so it is not goodbye but a see you later. Comforting them while they struggle through this has been one of the hardest times yet as a parent and to be honest it sucks. Having to sit them down and tell them that Papa, who they saw just a few weeks before at the family reunion was no longer walking among us on Earth and that Uncle Bruce who they remember playing with at Holidays who was not much older then my dad (and they know that) was hard. Taking them to their first funeral was hard, finding the balance of crying the tears I needed to while being strong enough to tell them it was going to be ok was hard – At times I felt like I was lying to them when I said it would all be ok as I myself was crying. The constant talking about things seems to be helping us all, even though when ever they mention Papa or Uncle Bruce Alyssa chimes in with “there dead right?” As she is still trying to figure this all out too. The older 2 understand what has happened and that they now can talk to them with out even picking up a phone and Alyssa waves up at the sky at them often to say hello which at the same time makes me smile and breaks my heart.
A whirlwind of emotions are constant in the house, the kids are still on edge and stressed as we all are trying to cope in our own ways but with each other at the same time. In time it will get easier but these past few weeks have sucked (to be bluntly honest) and the sense of normal needs to return and slowly is but at the same time the normal sets in it is a new normal one that will always be now with out 2 very special people here on Earth with us. The tears will still fall for some time while we think of memories or when the kids say things like “Papa would have liked this” or “Uncle Bruce would be happy we are playing with his cat for him” but thankfully the memories will live on. I am glad my children got to met, love and feel the love of these 2 special people who were a big part of my life and that they will remember them but them not being here anymore with us just sucks.
Next month for my Uncle’s service will be one more step in this process that I will once again do my best as their mom to comfort them as I am hurting inside and I am not looking forward to it. You would think that having his cat with us now would make it all set in but it hasn’t and I don’t think that has set in for the kids as well. Nothing fully set in with them until Papa’s funeral that he was really gone and I can see the same for my Uncle Bruce in the next few weeks when we make the drive to New Hampshire again to say “see you later” to my Uncle.
I have to say the support and kind words sent to me from all of you during the past few weeks help more then I could ever express into words, and I can not thank you enough for being so understanding during this rough time for my whole family. You all are a blessing in my life even if it is just virtually and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of it.