Ugg! I am so infuriated right now! We all, I am sure have seen the story about how Josh Duggar had an account with a paid online cheating place. Which whatever I don’t care about that. Yes he is a hypocrite, yes he has opinions that I don’t agree with but frankly if cheating is what he wants to do then so be it. That is on him, that is his choice to make. He wants to take the chance of having to throw out a wife and 4 kids well then he can take his punishment that is on him and he can enjoy the payment of child support he will be paying for 4 kids.
He admitted to cheating (you can see the Duggar Blog post here, which keeps being edited which I am not sure why but their choice) , which good you can not fix an issue if you do not first admit that you have one (See article here) And while admitting is a step you also have to accept the responsibility for it.
BUT His cheating is not my issue (while I don’t agree with it, it is not my place to tell someone else how to live their life). My issue is that his wife is taking the blame for his actions (and it is being encouraged). Taking responsibility is not the case here, he is NOT accepting the blame for it!!! His WIFE is saying it is her fault!!! Ok well to be fair she is saying it is “Partly” her fault… (source)
The reason being noted is that “he has a stressful job and the amount of pressure he has on him
According to the source, there was ‘some suggestion’ among family members about whether Anna ‘should have been more aware of the pressures Josh was under’ and the ‘issues he was facing’. source
UMMM EXCUSE ME! She has 4 kids (during part of this had 3 kids and was pregnant), she homeschools and runs the house to make sure he is fed, clothed and so are the kids along with taking care of them!
She should have been more aware that he was having the time to go and make secret accounts on dating sites and that he had a porn addiction!?!? First off anyone who is doing stuff like that works hard to keep it hidden and second I bet she hardly has time to even pee in peace let alone go around checking to see if he is looking at porn and trying to have an affair. ESPECIALLY since he is so very active with promoting family values. The thought of him even doing actions as such probably didn’t even enter her head. Heck they have 4 kids under the age of 5 so obviously it is not like the bedroom is quiet.
I can only assume that she feels that that it is her fault because he would tell her that. Because I know that there is NO WAY I have control over anyone’s personal choices and actions and I am sure she knows that as well, or at least I can hope)
As far as we know she has not let the pressure of life cause her to cheat on her husband. Her husband being a coward is what made him cheat, his actions made him cheat. And the fact that he is only honest after being caught and it shared on social media means he had no intention of stopping his actions.
His Porn addiction…. umm that is HIS addiction, not hers and NOT her fault. Josh stated that it was a secret so obviously she didn’t know about it and didn’t play a role in any of it. She didn’t shove the porn in his face to watch it, he made the choice to. We can go on the other side of the argument and say maybe she had a part to do with it, I mean I guess she could have told him to look at porn, but then he also could have said no, ok so she could have put it on on the computer and put it in his face, but he could have chosen to close his eyes. So even if she “pressured him to look at it” he could have made the choice to say no. But he stated it was a secret, how the hell is she to be blamed for a secret life he CHOSE to live?
(She’s not its not her fault)
His Online affairs subscription…. um again he MADE the accounts, he PAID for the accounts, He LOGGED into the accounts… HIS ACTIONS! Not hers!
There is no way that something my husband did would be because I have control over his actions at all. These choices he made are HIS Choices, HE needs to accept ALL responsibility, HE needs to deal with it not her!
Which brings me to this one simple statement:
Cheating is NEVER the Other Partner’s Fault!
There is No way, No how that the person who is being faithful is the one to blame for someone cheating. Heck I don’t care if the one spouse cheated to get back at the other spouse, the one who cheated is still NOT to blame for the other one cheating back. They are BOTH to blame for their OWN actions. Yes the one cheated first in that situation but that doesn’t mean the other one gets a free pass, they could have made a different choice.
Cheating is a CHOICE, a conscious choice a person makes. A choice like any other we make in our life from what shirt we are going to wear in the morning to what we are going to make for dinner. No one makes our choices for us, we make our own choices and NO ONE Should take the blame for someone else’s choices.
Personally seeing articles about women taking the blame for their husbands actions infuriates me. I could see thinking about what they could have done differently (which there is nothing because they didn’t make the choice), how they could have done things differently, what they could have worn to have it be different, what they could have said to have it not happen? The answer is NOTHING. There is NOTHING a spouse could have done to change the fact that their spouse made the choice to cheat. Their spouse could have made the choice to go to therapy, talk to a friend, talk to their spouse ect but instead they made a different choice.
If you are a spouse to someone who was caught cheating PLEASE Do not listen to these women telling you it is your fault. There is NOTHING you could have done to stop it, there is NOTHING you can do to make it not happen again. You didn’t forcefully tell them to do it, or forcefully make them do anything.
Obviously it happening the first time is not something you wanted or planned on and it doesn’t always mean it will happen again or that it won’t but the choice of that is NOT yours to make, you have no control over that. I am not saying not to forgive, or to forgive as that is a personal choice you have to make BUT DO NOT TAKE THE BLAME, PLEASE Do not take the responsibility of someone else’s actions!
The ONLY thing we all have control over is what we do and our choices. That is for everything in life. Life is choices and we make our own, and it is not our responsibility to take blame for the actions of others!
This whole let’s place the blame on someone else is a JOKE, its disgusting and people encouraging it need to get their heads out of their behinds and see it for what it is… Someone trying to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions!
How do you feel? Do you feel like someone in the public eye “taking the blame for their husband’s cheating” sets a bad example? Do you feel that it is ok for a wife(or husband) to take the blame for their partner’s actions?