4 Days left of school for my big kids, 5 days left for the littlest one at preschool and then they are home for the summer and after summer the whole life as I have known it for the past 10 years changes. As of the fall there will be no kids home during the day with me, no little one to talk to, no little one to make memories with while others are at school, no little one to laugh with, no little one to play with and my mommy heart is breaking.
For 10 years I have always had at least one of my kids home during the day with me, while some years the time they have been home has been broken up with them going to preschool for a few hours there was always at least one kid that was home. 10 years ago my life as a mom started, along with always having at least one other person in the house with me. 5 years ago McKenzie went to kindergarten and Logan was home (in preschool) and at that time Alyssa was just a baby and then 3 years ago Logan went to Kindergarten and Alyssa was home with me and then 2 years ago Alyssa started preschool and now come the fall it is time to ship her off to kindergarten. And now I will have no one home with me during the day.
A silent house during the day for 6 hours a day, ok I know I might sound slightly crazy because 5 minutes of quiet is every moms dream or even just to pee alone but 6 hours of no kids I am not sure I am ready for that. Yes I have work to do during the day that will keep me busy but the time of the kids all being small is going by so quickly and now only a few months left where during the day that anyone will be home with me during the day.
I remember when I had all 3 of them home, and all three of them little little and all three of them needing me for everything and the times that I was over tired and just wanted to have 5 minutes of quiet and it could never happen and now I sit here thinking that come the fall it is all changing, the whole parenting life I have known for 10 years is changing, and frankly I am not ready for it. I am not ready for a quiet house, I am not ready for all 3 of my kids to be in school, I am not ready for the next stage of parenting when there are no kids home during the day.
While summer time is crazy because I am working from home and the kids are home and they can drive me absolutely insane, I look forward to summer when my older 2 kids are home all day long, because I do miss having the noise and the chatter in the house all day long. I look forward to them being home in the summer where we can have conversations just because, I can listen to them play and laugh and have fun. When they are at school at times I feel like I am missing out on parts of their lives and I miss them in general.
But now there is no turning back, the last one heads of to school, where they are all gone all day long, where I no longer get to spend my days still making memories all day long, but now I have to wait until they get home from school to hear about what they did versus seeing them do it. It was hard for me when each of them hit the kindergarten milestone, and now realizing that come the fall my last little one will be heading out the door in the mornings with the older two and then getting home from school with the older kids too, this one is hitting the hardest. It is not hitting the hardest because she is the youngest and I will miss her more, but because she is the youngest, the last one and she is the one who is going to kindergarten and changing how I know motherhood for good.
For now I am going to count the days that they are in school still, 5 days and then they are all home for the summer. And then I am going to ignore the calendar and enjoy the times listening to them run through my house laughing and playing this summer, I am going to enjoy the sounds of them asking me every 5 minutes if they can have an ice pop, I am going to enjoy them interrupting me while I am working, I am going to enjoy them singing on the top of their lungs as loud as can be, I am going to enjoy them being here, in the house with me all day long. I am going to savor this last little amount of time with them all home during the day while I can this summer and when fall comes and they are all in school I will start my count down again to when they are all going to be home with me during the day for the stretch of summer.
But for now, I am going to enjoy my afternoons with Alyssa when she gets home from school before the other two, and then enjoy the 3 of them when they are all home in the afternoon. Then this summer I am going to enjoy that all of my kids are all mine, all day long. I don’t have to share them with the school, I get them all day to myself watch, laugh with, play with, and to enjoy.